Privacy Policy

1. Ayyy, yooooo

By visiting this website you agree to the following terms, whether you read them or not. Let's be honest, you're not going to read them. Nobody reads these. If you are reading this, congratulations. You're the first. Tell no one.

2. What Information I Collect

Absolutely nothing. I couldn't figure out how to make the contact form work, so I took it out. Your data is as safe as when Master Chief plugs Cortana into his helmet.

I do, however, reserve the right to judge you based on:

• Whether you think Stars Wars Episodes 7-9 are better movies than the original trilogy (correct answer: you're wrong and we can send you to get help).
• Your Dutch Bros order.
• Whether you've finished Combat Evolved on Legendary. With all skulls on. I'll wait.

3. Cookies

This site uses zero cookies. If you need a cookie, please refer to my personal Rule #1: "Bring Snacks." Toasted sandwiches from Cheba Hut are also accepted as payment.

4. How I Use Your Information

See Section 2. I don't have any. Even if I did, the most I'd do with it is send you a meme at 2am. I will. Some would call that a threat. I call it friendship.

5. Sharing Your Information With Third Parties

I don't share your information with anyone. The only things I share are my comic knowledge, and the employees at the Dutch Bros on 7th and Bell can confirm I know a lot.

6. Data Security

Your data is protected by the same security system as the Krusty Krab's secret formula: there's nothing to steal, and Plankton is still trying.

8. Your Rights

You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an autograph, but Toy Temple says there's a limit (there isn't, I checked the Constitution). You have the right to slurp your ramen as loud as you want. Sosoba may disagree.